Marriage is more than a piece of paper. The New Testament tells us that it is a covenant centered in Jesus Christ. It is an expression, in physical and relational terms, of the love of God. For this reason, it is said to be a “profound mystery” (Ephesians 5:32).
There are three great mysteries in Christian theology. One is the Trinity. Another is the incarnation of God in Jesus Christ. The third is the mystery of marriage as a picture of Christ and his love for the church. Marriage is more than physical attraction, more than emotional compatibility. The great goal of Christian marriage is spiritual one-ness, the relationship of a man and a woman centered in Jesus.
James Boice went so far as to say that no one would be able to understand the truest, deepest meaning of marriage who is not submitted to Jesus Christ. He said that no marriage could attain its true potential unless those in the relationship pursue it according to God’s standards.
Marriage matters because it teaches us who we are. Ephesians 5 says that Christian believers are God’s “dearly loved children” (v. 1), and “children of light” (v.8). As such, we are told to “find out what pleases the Lord” (v. 10) and live accordingly. Marriage holds up a mirror to our lives and exposes us to the reality of who we really are in relation to God’s word (vv. 3-21).
Professor Howard Hendricks was speaking at a conference and an eager young man came up to him after his talk. He called Hendricks “a great man.” On the drive home Hendricks turned to his wife and said, “A great man. How many great men do you know?” “One fewer then you think,” she answered. Professor Hendricks often told that story on himself to demonstrate that God gives good wives to husbands to help them keep their feet on the ground.
In his book Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas wrote, “What marriage has done for me is hold up a mirror to my sin. It forces me to face myself honestly and consider my character flaws, selfishness, and anti-Christian attitudes, encouraging me to be sanctified and cleansed and to grow in godliness.”
Thomas Hart wrote, “In and through our spouse, God becomes real to us in human form. There is a flesh-and-blood person sitting next to me who flinches when she sees what should make me flinch, but doesn’t — and I see my hard heart exposed by her soft one.”
Marriage matters because it teaches us how to live. Ephesians 5:21-33 contains an eloquent, inspired description of Christ-centered marriage. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,” it says. This means that in a Christian marriage, each lives for the other. This contradicts abuse, permissiveness, independence, and selfishness.
Verses 22-24 describe unselfish wives. As they submit to the Lord, they adapt themselves to their husbands, who are assigned leadership in the home. The husband’s role is not authoritarian dictatorship, but loving, responsible servant-leadership.
Unselfish husbands (v.25) will love their wives as Christ loved the church, sacrificing their own interests, as necessary, as Christ sacrificed himself for the church. In this way, the Christian husband loves his wife, elevating, honoring, and serving her. Marriage teaches husbands to love their wives as they love themselves (v.33).
The ability to live unselfishly does not come naturally. It is supernatural. It comes from the Holy Spirit (v. 18). It is God’s Spirit who gives us the power to live unselfishly.
I read a beautiful story that illustrates this principle. It comes from an old Jewish fable about how the spot was chosen for God’s holy temple. Two brothers worked a common field and a common mill. Each night they divided whatever grain they produced and each took his portion home.
One brother was single and one was married with a large family. The single brother decided that his married brother needed more grain than he did, so at night he secretly crept over to his brother’s granary and gave him an extra portion. The married brother realized that his single brother didn’t have children to care for him in his old age. Concerned about his brother’s future, he got up at night and secretly deposited some grain in his single brother’s granary.
One night they met halfway between the two granaries, and each realized what the other was doing. They embraced, and as the story goes, God witnessed what happened and said, “This is a holy place — a place of love — and it is here that my temple shall be built.” It is this kind of unselfishness that should characterize a marriage.
Marriage matters because it has been created by God himself to make known his love in human relationships. In Christian marriage human beings discover themselves, discover each other, and learn to live together in a way that pleases God.
Pastor Randy Faulkner